As I have mentioned a few times over the years, I grew up with the luxury of having cable in my bedroom since the age of 4. Yes, you read that correctly, since being little more than a toddler I had complete and utter control of what I wanted to watch. Now my parents weren’t some bohemian new-age hippies that were doing some type of parenting experiment on me; they were quite the opposite, devout Baptist that were pretty stern when they needed to be. I couldn’t begin to tell you why they thought it was a good idea to give their little boy a cable box, probably to keep me quiet and off their backs (totally didn’t work), but I’m glad they did. Of course there were things that my parents told me not to watch (HBO’s Dream On and Beavis And Butt-head come to mind), but that only made me watch them more. As independent and awesome as it sounds to have total control over what you watch as a child, it definitely has some drawbacks, hence this list. The movies that are on this list aren’t necessarily movies I dislike, but looking back at when I first viewed them, they were too much for me. Whether it was for subject material, scare factor, or good ol’ gratuitous nudity, these films were not meant for ‘lil Marc.
Night Of The Demons
Night Of The Demons has become one of my favorite 80’s slasher movies. If you call yourself a horror fan you should definitely see it, just don’t be a 6-year-old like I was. It wasn’t the necessarily the terror of Demons that made it too much for me, it was definitely the sexual content. Sexual indiscretion and titties abound in Demons, which was par for the course for 80’s horror, but what really baffled me was Linnea Quigley, an 80’s scream queen legend known for getting nekkid. In one particular scene, Quigley, being possessed by a demon, puts on her lipstick in a very- how should I say- unique manner. After she’s done applying said lipstick, she finds a very peculiar place to store it, in her nipple. I was completely appalled and couldn’t watch my mom put on lipstick for a month.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Oh Tim Curry, you appear twice on this list. Needless to say, gender bending was not in my wheelhouse as 7-year-old, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying Rocky Horror. I can still remember siting in on the floor of my bedroom watching the red lips from the intro for the first time. Rocky Horror raised far too many questions that a 7-year-old shouldn’t ask, like “Mommy why is that man wearing lipstick?” and “What is sweet Transvestite?”
My Girl
Of all the movies on this list, I think this one sticks out the most. Not because it was extraordinarily violent or carnal, I just remember this movie being particularly heavy for a 6 year old. Death is a big theme in My Girl. The main character. Vada, is pretty much surrounded by it, her mother dies during birth, her dad runs a funeral parlor, and her best friend in the whole world dies from bee stings while trying to retrieve her favorite ring. This is where I lose it. At this point in time, I know next to nothing about death (I was 6 and my parents and I hadn’t had the convo yet), I seriously thought it only happened to old people. The scene when Vada bursts into the funeral, walks up to the casket, and starts talking to her friend tore me apart; I was literally crying for days. Seriously, if you ever need a good cry, YouTube that shit. My Girl is a great movie, I just lacked the emotional maturity to handle it.
Tales From the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight
When you think about it, horror fans are pretty masochistic, we love movies that are made to scare the hell out of us. Now whether that goal is reached with every horror film we see is debatable, but for me, Demon Knight delivered… maybe too much. I first saw Demon Knight in the theaters, this stands out to me because my mom took us to see it on a school night, which was not normal. The premise of Demon Knight was far from realistic, a demon hunter has to protect a house full of humans while a demonic horde ascends upon the house looking for a key. Demon Knight did a great job with creating a claustrophobic atmosphere, scary looking demons, and an overall sense of hopelessness with there character; like there was no way they were going to live through this. All of those things came together to create a movie that scared the living hell out of 10-year-old Marc.
Stephen King’s It
I love my brother, but he’s an asshole. I could run down a list of why my aforementioned statement is accurate, but all you have to do is look at the shit he made me watch at 5 years old. My brother is 7 years older than me, I remember he had a sleepover with a couple of my older cousins and someone brought over the tape they made from the original broadcast. Being a pesky little brother, I wanted to do and watch what the big kids were doing, so my brother let me watch the movie. Needless to say, I spent the next week being utterly petrified of anything under my bed, sewer drains, and of course, clowns. I had the worst nightmares and would wake up screaming about Pennywise was coming to get me. I’m pretty sure my brother got grounded for showing me that movie… that asshole.
So what films were you unfortunately exposed to at a young age? Leave your comments below!!