Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (review)
I wouldn’t say that I had high hopes Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, but I was still disappointed. I thought I was going into a campy, B-movie inspired film that combined history with fantasy. Instead, I got a film that took itself too seriously, had a couple flaws, and was pretty forgettable. The story was disjointed. The acting was fine, but you could tell the writing wasn’t the best it could be. If the filmmakers would’ve tried to have more fun with the process, it could have turned out much better.
I was really excited to see this movie. It’s an Oliver Stone movie and he’s crazy so I assumed he’d take a story about drugs and kidnapping and just blow everyone away with over the top performances and explosions and excess, but… I didn’t feel it. There were drugs, explosions, over the top performances (both good and bad), lots of excess, but there was no feeling behind it. Then the second half dragged and started to suck, and the ending (don’t even get me started on the “ending”) came and went and as the credits rolled by, I sat disappointed. Maybe if I cared about the characters, I wouldn’t be so against the movie, but there wasn’t a single trait about any character I found redeeming or relatable. I guess the kindest way to say this movie sucked is: This movie just wasn’t for me.
Alex Cross (review)
I saw a few duds in theaters this year, but nothing made me more upset than the horrible crime thriller Alex Cross. Tyler Perry plays the title character but his inclusion isn’t this movie’s problem. It’s script is so weak and riddled with cliches that I almost felt bad for the actors. The movie takes itself way too seriously as one scene after another continues to out-stupid it’s predecessor. From the characters to the action sequences, there is absolutely nothing clever or unique about this film.
The Devil Inside (review)
The Devil Inside was the best exorcism movie I’ve seen in a long time. After making that statement, one would ask “then why the hell is it your worst movie pick of 2012?” I’ll tell you why. TDI does everything right up until the very end with a bullshit cliff-hanger, but even that can be excused. What sends TDI into the stratosphere of crappiness is the website it directs the audience to to “find out more”. To add insult to injury, the website was horribly put together and didn’t show any new information or clips that weren’t already in the movie. The Devil Inside could have been a contender but tripped before it got into the ring.
Darling Companion (review)
I regret seeing this film. There’s really nothing good about it. It isn’t funny enough, it isn’t emotional enough, and the screenplay isn’t compelling enough. Now I love a good animal film, War Horse was one of my favorites of last year, but this saga of a woman and her dog just didn’t do it for me. I realize it’s geared toward an older audience and maybe that makes sense. Throughout watching, I couldn’t help but think it felt more like a lifetime or hallmark movie than something which should be seen in a theater.
Trouble With The Curve (review)
It’s one thing when you go into a movie knowing you’re not going to like, but it’s a whole other level of aggravation when you go into a movie that you think you’ll enjoy and come out with a huge case of what the hell did I just watch. This movie has a cast of people I enjoy—Amy Adams, John Goodman, Justin Timberlake—and Clint Eastwood which has to mean something. In this case, it didn’t amount to much. Eastwood played a grouch with nothing redeeming about the old fart. Adams was reduced to an awful character that her charm couldn’t even save and every character had the worst, most generic dialogue ever. Don’t even get me started on the weird “revelation” Eastwood make to Adams about why he’s been a shitty father all of these years because it’s bull shit. Yeah, this movie made me angry and that’s because it just sucked so much worse than I thought could be possible.