Why This Movie Sucks: The Little Mermaid (1989)
The Lion King. Aladdin. Fantasia. Akira. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Toy Story. Potentially Shrek. All of these are animated classics. They are animated films that blew minds and redefined the genre. They are films that opened our eyes to a whole new world of imagination and excitement. But most importantly, they are films that stand the test of time and will continue to stand the tests of time as they are looked back upon as groundbreaking classics. Fantasia was released in 1939! 1939! America was in a depression and a world war was happening. But Walt Disney and his animators created a masterful showcase of sight and sound that astonished minds and continues to astonish minds. Toy Story was one of the first films of its kind. It’s animation left us speechless as we fell in love with Buzz and Woody and followed their adventures for years.
You know what movie isn’t an animated classic? You know what film sucks? The Little Fucking Mermaid.
Write all the essays and college papers you want on Disney’s “Golden Age” or how this film started Disney’s “Renaissance”, the film is bullshit. As an adult, and I use that term loosely, I can watch Aladdin beginning to end no problem. Toy Story? You better be ready to hit play again, cause I’m going to watch it over and over. Akira? Well, I’ll take time between viewings because that’s more of a celebratory watch, but I tell you what, certainly going to watch it more than The Little Mermaid. But Nick, why so much disdain and hatred towards a kids movie? I’ll tell you why loyal reader, and hopefully loyal FTS Podcast listener, I’ll tell you.
The Little Mermaid opens with beauty sea life, shells, fish and Ariel, who we later find out is whiny, with her buddy Flounder (an annoying yellow fish). They’re searching through and finding random objects. Ariel is a collector of human treasures and she’s got a whole sea cave full of them. Alright. I’ll buy that. She even takes them to a seagull friend of hers named Scuttle. To me, Scuttle is the highlight and the only reason to watch this film. Voiced by Buddy Hackett, Scuttle is hilarious with sight gags, vaudeville-timed physical comedy, and a voice that just kills me. I laugh out loud to the point of being obnoxious every time he is on screen. Once Ariel “learns” about her new treasures, she realizes how irresponsible a princess she is and races to the sea castle in which her father, King Triton, is annoyed. Ariel is too free a spirit for the King so he has Sebastian, a crab, follow her to make sure she stays out of trouble and most importantly away from the surface because of the humans. Remember that. Remember how Triton feels about humans (negative) and his feelings on Ariel interacting with humans (very negative) because it comes up again.
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